Most of us are familiar with all those captious thoughts that always tell us that we are not good enough, that put a doubt on our goals and weaken our accomplishments. These thoughts could be there to greet us when we first see ourselves in the mirror in the morning. These thoughts might be like, “you are so fat”, “you are unattractive”, “you are a slob, just look at your face, hair, waistline, hips,” and blablabla…
Such inner critic might meet you at the workplace or in any work that you do. In result to this, you may either come under too much pressure, or you will never get everything done, and no one even can notice you and you may just give up on your goal. It is also there to critique your closest relationships. With it, you thought like, “am I the only one whose appearance and disappearance does not matter to anyone.” Or sometimes thought that “he/she does not even love you. No one cares about you.” It will never last. Just don’t be feckless.
From the recent studies, it is clear that every person is divided; the first part of us is self-possessed and goal-directed, while another one is self-denying, self-critical and even self-destructive. Such “anti-selfness” perpetuates a negative thought process that refers to as the “critical inner voice.” A self-criticism is a good thing, but an excess of it leads to backfire, as it tends us to focus on our so-called failures instead of those small ways from which we can improve. Also, the self-trash-talk associated with the higher levels of stress and even depression.
It is fact that women have more inner negative voices than men, it is because we have been socialized not to stand out, so when we search to do so, our inner voice challenges us. But we do not have to live with the sound of this murmuring crow. We can do many things to soften or silence that negative voice. Here are the few tips you can do to manage your inner critic:
- Become Aware Of Its Presence: Try to recognize what your critical inner voice is telling you. Knowing this negative inner voice is the first step to silencing it. Accept that this thought process is distinct from your real point of view. Just keep in mind that your critical inner voice is not a reflection of reality. It is the only viewpoint that you keep on considering based on attitudes and destructive early experiences directed toward you that you have internalized as your own point of view.
- Try The Power Of Positive Thinking: One of the ways that can help you in fighting with your critical inner voice is writing your thoughts in the way of the second person and think positive about yourself. For example, if you think like, “I am unable to get anything right. I’ll never be successful”, so write it as, “You are unable to get anything right. You’ll never be successful”. This result in a change that it will help you to see these negative thoughts as an alien point of view and not as your true statements. You will notice how unfriendly this internal enemy can be.
- Bolster Your Confidence: Make yourself more confident by responding to your inner critic by writing down a more compassionate and realistic evaluation of yourself. Write responses as a first person (I). Then, in reply to a thought like, “You are such an idiot,” you also could write, “I struggle at times, but I am competent and smart in many ways.” This will not only boost your confidence up or build your ego but also make more honest attitude towards yourself.
- Put A Better Spin On Things: Always try to replace the negative critic’s voice with your own inner voice full of confidence. Instead of saying yourself, “I am not organized, I will never get anything done right,” try to make yourself to say, “I am going to get it done…” It may be silly but this positive self-talk wordings reminds you that you are not having low self-esteem and then you can replace your negative voice with own positive thoughts.
- Defy The Inner Critic: Sometimes, there is an awkward situation arises when you feel afraid. For instance, when you are sitting in a meeting, there comes a situation when you feel fearful to raise your hand to speak or ask questions. You may have a fear that what you say will not come out clearly or others will disagree with you. Instead of it, challenge yourself to defy from this negative thought and raise your hands up anyway. The more you do this, the more the inner critic’s voice will fade.
Remember not to act or feel on the directives of your inner critic. Always take those actions that represent your own point of view, what you aim to achieve, who you want to be. Inner critic voice may get louder and louder to tell you to not to take chances or to stay in line. However, separating from, by identifying and acting against destructive thought process, you will definitely grow stronger and bolder, while your inner critic grows weaker.